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One year ago was my last day of work at my last job. I packed up my things, moved out of my apartment, and drove across the country for the second time so I could move back in with my parents. People thought I was crazy, people thought I should’ve stayed, people thought I should’ve left sooner. I think I made the right decision at the right time.
“And those who were dancing were thought to be crazy by those who could not hear the music.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The alarm rings, I roll onto my side to snooze it. Heart racing, I fall back onto my back. Taking deep breaths so my heart rate slows, I try to regain control. I start my daily meditation. I roll out of bed, dreading what I’ll see when I open the curtains. As I slide the curtain over, the golden light of sunset floods my apartment. Maybe I can call someone from back home? No, I woke up too late, everybody is already in bed. Time to turn on my computer and get started on my 13 hour remote night shift.
This was my life every day for a year and a half. It wasn’t all bad, I liked the people I worked with and the work was challenging. The little I got to see of Oregon was beautiful. Sometimes I find myself missing my life in Oregon. But this is how I remember it for the most part. Despite all of this, deciding to leave was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I’d never quit anything before, I’d only ever finished what I started.
Many things had to come together for me to decide to leave my job, but I remember clearly my lease renewal letter saying my rent would be more than doubled if I stayed. I also remember my trip to Nepal, my dry run for living abroad, and my first glimpse at international service opportunities and their impacts. Maybe most importantly I remember my first service trip to Omaha, Nebraska and meeting the best professor I never had, Dr. G. I figure if I could be half as passionate as Dr. G I’d be happy. I’m grateful for having tested myself and pushed myself to the limit as I did during my time in Oregon. I’m grateful for all the experiences that led me to where I am. I’m especially grateful for the connections I made and the people I met. It would be hard to feel more prepared for what I’m, doing. I may have left my job a year ago, but I feel like this has been meant to be for a long time. I think you can either enjoy what you’re doing, or do what you enjoy. There’s no excuse for feeling like you’re wasting any second of your life.
The past year since leaving the job I thought I wanted has been filled with adventures, triumphs, failures, highs, lows and everything that I knew I needed. I’ve been a teacher, a student, a chauffeur, a landscaper, a traveler, a snowboarder, a musician, a fisher, a golfer, and I’ve been able to be there for all the people I love. I’ve found that even if you don’t know what you want to do, do something you would admire somebody else for doing. Before you know it, you’ll be right where you want to be.
Love,
Ryan
Note - The date I’m writing this is November 5, but I don’t have much internet so we’ll see when I can get this uploaded. While the pictures aren’t related to my service right now, I just put together a few of the highlights leading up to living in Tanzania.